The Things We Do For Love

“Then Peter and  apostles answered , “We must obey God rather than men.”
…And we are witnesses to these things; and so is the Holy Spirit,
whom God has given to those who obey him.”
Acts 5: 29, 32

This past month has been a very intense, lengthy conversation with God. Up till about a month ago, I’ve never been told by God what to do. He has revealed certain things to me. He has given me some ideas. But never has He laid it to me flat out. I always wondered what it would be like. I, in a way, prayed for it from time to time. I’m a very stubborn person. I’m also pretty cynical at times. So there have been moments when I really needed a firm command.  But when the words came to me, it all seemed too direct. It all seemed too painful to go through.  God told me to get baptized. Now, that’s a pretty awesome thing to be told. And it is to me. However, I was raised Catholic. My Mom and Dad baptized me as a baby. For me to go and get baptized again would seem like a slap in the face to them. I love my parents dearly. There aren’t too many days that go by where I am not calling them up, seeking some sound advice. So when God said this to me, my heart rose and dropped at the same time.  But if I am not obeying God, then who am I obeying?

As Christians, we believe in God! He is our Creator! He can and will do anything for us. As it says in Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us?” It is an awesome thing we have going on for us. We are constantly going to God to fix us. Whether it’s for mercy and forgiveness or for Him to take away things like addictions, hatred, anger…even our pasts.  The most amazing thing for us is that He does give us mercy and forgiveness. He takes away those horrible things we have done/are doing. So why is it that when he speaks to us and asks us of something….we question it? Why do we not act in joy and gratitude? When God told me to get baptized, I froze. I prayed on it. Not 4 days later my wife comes up to me and says “I don’t want to offend you, but have you ever thought about getting baptized?” By the grace of God, I was able to get baptized the next day.

Since doing this, more conversations have been taking place. More convictions have been placed in my heart. And of course more commands by Him. And these commands, once followed through, will probably not look appealing to others in my life.  But should I not obey God based on my love for others in my life? Now, I understand, there have been people in our lives that have done some crazy things because they were “told by God.” If that’s true or not is neither here nor there. What God is commanding of me is nothing insane or outrageous (if it was though, I’d hope I would still obey). It’s just that people who I care about and I love may get hurt. And that is the whole purpose of this blog: Do we choose God over the ones we love? And the answer should be a resounding YES!

How many of us get a queasy stomach when that question is asked and Yes is the answer? We all go into justification mode and logic mode, don’t we?  ”but I love my wife, Mom, Dad, brother, sister, child.” ” Why would God ever make me choose?” Perhaps we instantly over analyze this question and this answer. Maybe we should put it into a scenario form: Have you ever felt an urge and not go through with it because your spouse wouldn’t dig it? Have you ever known something was wrong, but you did it anyway just to be accepted by the ones you love. Or you thought something was too much? Too little? Too…Churchy? I guess the real questions here are: How far will you go for God? and Is there ever a too far with God?

I say go as far as your human self will let you and then pray for more. I say there is never too far with God as long as your being honest. James 1:22 says “Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” I pray that we, as Christians, become an absurd amount of do-ers. Let us listen to God’s word and always do what he says.

Where are you? And other questions we should ask ourselves

When I started writing this blog, I wanted to make sure that when I did write, it would be something that means a lot to me. Hence, the major gap between this blog and the last. But here we go.

This weekend has been a wild one, opening me up to hear God’s whisper and how He shows me the way through it all. Yesterday (Sunday), I worshiped over at Grace Point  in Valpo. The Co-Pastor there, Ben Lamb, read from Genesis for the message and I was totally woken up by his sermon.

“But the Lord God called to the man ‘Where are You?’”

Genesis 3: 8-9

Now let’s put things into perspective here. This scene is happening right after Adam and his lady friend, Eve, ate the apple, saw that they where naked, covered up, and tried to hide from God. Really? Hide from God? WOW. So Mr. Ben Lamb proceeds to educate myself and the whole congregation on the question: Where are you?

Why would God ever have to ask “Where are you?” He’s the creator of it all: plants, trees, planets, stars, universes, etc. If you are hiding somewhere, chances are it’s somewhere God has created. So why would he ask the question? The answer should be obvious, but it only was to me once Ben said it. Kinda like this ” God was asking ‘Where are you?’ not to find Adam, but for Adam to ask himself: ‘Where am I?’”

Boom.

Now that hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been dealing with some heavy convictions right now and this response opened the sky up for me. We really need to ask ourselves some questions here. It seems that a lot of us Christians need to ask ourselves that one question in particular to start. So many of us focus on living up to the human levels of their friends, family, even their churches, that they don’t even realize that God expects more from us. So many Christians and churches like to say this: “Come just as you are” Awesome. I can do that. I can come just as I am. The broken, lying, manipulator that I am. I am a firm believer(it is biblical) in this But it doesn’t stop there. We can’t just say ” Come. Sit in the pew/seat/whatever. Listen to some awesome worship to an awesome God. Listen to the Word from an Awesome God. Then go home and be just as you are.” Nope. We HAVE to change.

Romans 6: 15 – 16 says :

“What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey — whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness”

There are some really big things and words in that sentence that cannot be overlooked. One keyword here is “Slave” as in no rights. So in reality, you can choose to relinquish your rights to sin or God. Death or Life. People hear the word “slave” or the words “no rights” and they start getting antsy, angry, or uncomfortable. Human beings have adopted this habit of power and control. We think that we have the right to predict what’s next and to be full prepared for it. How’s that working out for us? We talk about how much we are in control of our lives, but can you stop your heart from beating right now? How do you keep breathing when you sleep? Can you stop that ping of heartbreak you had when that really hurtful thing happened to you? Were you able to control all that emotion and turn it off like a switch? I mean, let’s put things into perspective: we are here as a creation of God. He breathed us and here we are. He chose us to be here, right at this time, to do some pretty awesome things.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

The fact is: you are a going to be a slave to something. Television, Cigarettes, Alcohol, your wife or husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, child. Something is going to control you eventually. And since that is the truth, since you will become a slave, the choice is yours. Pick life or death. If God has “plans to prosper you and not harm you” why wouldn’t you choose to be his slave. I mean honestly, with everything that God gives us and promises us, does His definition of “slave” really look that bad? So with that said, Where are you?

Dancing is the Best Medicine….wait…is that how it goes?

I am currently leading worship with the band SonDay Glory on Saturday nights in an elementary school gym. (And they say you can’t bring God into school anymore ; ). Anywho, I think it’s really amazing how God chose such a public place to turn into his house for a couple hours on the weekend. I mean, seriously, there are 6 basketball hoops ready for use, a chin up bar, and even a rope that hangs down from the ceiling where I countlessly fail  to climb.  We show up there around 2pm every Saturday afternoon and somehow turn it into this place where all sorts of people come and pour their hearts out to God. It amazes me. And scares the crap out of me. Even with only two posts in this blog, it’s easy to say that the last place I would find myself was in front of people, leading them in worshiping God. And in all honesty, it’s the last place a former ego-maniac should probably be. According to the norm.

When this whole idea of this offsite service started forming a few years ago, I had to fight a lot of my doubts and worries. While myself, my pastor, and two other people talked about this idea of creating an offsite service dedicated to people who weren’t really into this thing called church, while they discussed that, I feared that the old Johnsie would come back. The one who thought all things revolved around him. I never ever felt that I could do something like this and not mess it up. And not end up making it about me.

So I started to do things that the old Johnsie would never do. I prayed. I prayed for strength and wisdom and strength and courage and strength. But I still had this constant doubt. I read my Bible as well as someone with my attention span could. I got one of those apps for my phone that put me on this daily devotional, that after three weeks I kinda forgot about. At this point, the train had already left the station. We were well into practices with the band. The church was already applying for grants. I’ve already sat on wobbly stool in front of a congregation and answered questions about what we were doing. There was no turning back. So I finally just stopped fighting the doubt.

Which really did not make it go away at all. And that really made my confidence plummet sharp. So, in this dark place, where I thought I was bound to fail, I literally got down on my knees and prayed. I prayed that if this was what God wanted then I am all for it. I asked God to show me something to let me know that I was on the right path. And I just kept kneeling there until I heard Him tell me to open up my Bible. As I wiped away a couple tears, I just opened it, sorta from the middle, and I landed on Psalm 30. Well the end of Psalm 30:

“You have turned my Mourning into Dancing”

And I laughed. I honestly laughed out loud, all by my onesies.  I mean, come on, you read something like that and you can’t just ignore it. How does someone go from Mourning to Dancing?  To go from Mourning to Dancing is like going from paralyzed to running. From meekness to invincibility. Could you ever imagine utter sadness followed by a a dance off?  No, of course not. But that’s it. Not only is it possible, Jesus is doing this all the time, EVERYWHERE! And that just makes me smile. Because If Jesus can do something like this for everyone, imagine what He is already doing for us. I’ve been in a many situations where stress and frustration were king and queen, but this sudden, everything is gonna be alright, feeling came over me.

Now, how does this relate to my doubting Johnsie story? I have no idea. I don’t All I know is that after I read that, I felt like anything was possible. Even burying the old me. Because that’s just it right? That was the old me. I am not that person anymore. That dude is gone. Never coming back. I spent a lot of time worrying, almost waiting, for that guy to come back. And all the while, God was forming me, waiting to turn that worry into dancing.

My church has truly been blessed by God to start this service. We are only 5 Saturdays into it and hearts are already changing. Every once and awhile, the doubt comes to me, but I won’t dwell on it. I won’t let it corner me. I know that if I brood on those thoughts, then I am not allowing God to work in me. So I just decide that God’s plan is bigger than my doubt. He knows I have nothing to worry about. He can turn Mourning into Dancing.  I’m gonna go with him.

Heavy Burdens(and Not So Heavy Burdens, Too)

“Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

When I first though of “Weary” I think of some old guy/gal hunched over their lemonade out on a deck somewhere in the South. Don’t ask why. That’s just how I saw it. Just complete exhaustion. I saw old people as exhausted. Was that wrong?

Here’s the dictionary.com version of Weary:

1. physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion,strain, etc.; 

fatigued; tired: weary eyes; a weary brain

2. characterized by or causing fatigue: a weary journey.

3. impatient or dissatisfied with something (often followed by of): weary of excuses.

 Apparently, I was way off. And now with the description shown to me, I am now well aware of weariness. I am that old man hunched over my lemonade. Just not on a deck … or in the south…and where’s that lemonade anyway!??

    When I was 19, after dropping out of one college, I was accepted into a school in Florida. Right outside Orlando. It was a school for the digital world. I went for sound and recording. I saw this as an amazing opportunity to be renewed! This was my chance to squash all the old me. To be the person, I wanted to become. So the first thing I did? Lied. I lied about my age. I got down there and I met a girl, a lady actually (she was 31). She asked me if I was single, I said Yes. Then she asked how old I was. I said 21. 0-2. Apparently, when I said I wanted to be renewed, I meant I wanted to be a 21 year old, single jerk. That is exactly what I got.  So, as it goes, the lies just kept rolling on.

     My Life in Florida was like a cocoon to a Caterpillar, but instead of transforming into a butterfly that soared, I turned into something much darker. I maintained positivity and succeeded in charming everyone I met. I was the guy that could lift up your spirits when you were down. I could do that.  But I learned how to manipulate people really well by being that guy.

      Moving to Las Vegas was just another place to succeed with my new “skills”.  Now, as I wrote that last sentence, I tried real hard to figure what I meant by succeed. Manipulation leading to success? That has all sorts of wrong on it. But that was where I was at. I had to make people think that not only was I someone I wasn’t, but also, to do things because of it. I wrote myself into this entirely different person that I had to maintain was me. In the end, I didn’t even like that guy. But I kept it up, because I have told so many lies by this time that so many people that were in my life were only there because of these lies. That’s meeting someone. Saying “Hi My Name is Stan”, building a huge relationship for some time on “Stan” when your name is really Jim. How do you tell that person “It’s all been a lie”.  I had to keep going, because this is who I was. Or at least who I was lying to be. I had to drag my lies everywhere with me. Talk about hard work. Talk about exhaustion. Talk about weary. 

     Now, this sounds pretty intense and in reality, it probably wasn’t as bad as it sounds. As I have said before, I have a lot of friends back in vegas who I love dearly and who know the real me. But those little lies that kept the conversations going, that led to the second date, and then the relationship; those little white lies: they became the stories we would talk about with other friends who were now my friends because of that story.  You see where I’m going? Weary. I was the old man hunched over his lemonade. Or was the lemonade just some lie I made up?

    This is the part of the story where I say “and that’s when I came to Jesus and was given rest”. But that’s not what happened. However, I did stop the lies. I did eventually get to the point of less worry. I was given more rest. Now I can see how one could perhaps respond with: “Well you didn’t need this God or Jesus to overcome this vice. This addiction.” And with a Story like this, that sounds right. However, whether I knew it or not, liked or not, God was working in me back then. He was molding me into what he has planned for me. He obviously knew that he could use me. He also knew that I had a long road ahead of me and compulsive lying and manipulation just ain’t on that road. I really never got caught in my lies back then. Maybe people knew it was a lie, but I was never in an awkward situation or being held in front of a court for my lies. By God’s grace, His unconditional, “you get this whether you like or not” Grace, I made it out of a dark place unscathed. That’s how much God Loves Us. That’s how much he’s rooting for US. He wants us to win. He wants us to Love.

“Whereas the object and purpose of our instruction and charge is love,

which springs from a pure heart and a good

conscience and sincere faith.”

1 Timothy 1:5

We love with our hearts. That’s obvious. In order to do this purely, properly, we must let go of that which is filling the place in our hearts where love belongs. Where God belongs. To succeed,  I feel we have to work in opposition, work against ourselves. Where there is anger: make peace. Where there is despair: make hope. Where there are lies: make truth (or a blog where you so boldly admit these lies behind a computer screen, in a chair, far away from where they were made). Whatever it is, we must fight against it. Those dark things have no place on this road. A road that God is constantly clearing to bring us closer to Him, unscathed.

An Introduction Of Sorts

Hello? Umm….Hello? Well this hello is to any of you out there that stumbled upon this or actually followed the facebook link I posted. Anywho…that picture up there…yeah that dude with the spiky hair and the uh…er…eyeliner on(sorry mom and dad) well that’s me. Or was me…or whatever. That picture was taken of me at a time in my life where, according to the status quo, I was cool. I was hip. My buddy Omar called me a hipster when I first met him at the Icehouse Lounge in Vegas. Honestly, I never even knew what a hipster was. I had no clue what that meant. Hipster. Let’s put things into perspective here: I’m from a small town named Chesterton. Our claim to fame is the Wizard of Oz Festival, that I guess got sent to the next town over because we were too small for it (we got it back). If someone called you a hipster in Chesterton I would have thought it had something to do with hula-hooping.  Honestly.

According to most, I had it all then. I had a great job where I made a ton of money and on top of that I was living in Las Vegas. Yup. What better place to turn 21 and be given a job with huge pay.  I bought whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted, drank all that I wanted. I had an addictive personality and fed every addiction. All the time.  Again I ask, what better place to turn 21. Now I want to get things straight, I love Las Vegas. I made some of the best friends I’ve ever met there and I love and miss them dearly. People ask me if I miss Vegas and I always say that I miss my friends. There’s nothing wrong with anything I say here. Nothing at all. Especially if you have stronger will power than myself.  I got caught up in a lot of things in the midst of all this. Mainly myself.

Flash forward to today. I’m back in Chesterton. Married to my high school love. With an 8 year old step son. I have a job running a t-shirt shop in the next town over. I make less now than I did then. A lot less. Life by normal standards is very hard. Some bills have to wait or not get paid at all. But there is a calm. Yup…I am now a full time believer in God and the Bible.

Now I know that leaves a major gap between Vegas and Now. A lot happened. And as this blog rolls on, it will all come out. I just don’t want to have a novel of a first post.  I’ll keep up with this as much as I can. But for now I leave you with this: in Matthew 11 Jesus says

“Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”

I’ve been weary and I still get weary. I am constantly going to Jesus for rest. I am hoping to continue on this scripture in my next post. G’nite everyone!